??????? ?????? ?????? A 180 degree turn in the positive direction. Feeling my life was over and din was ruined 24 hrs ago. Now feeling hopeful I will conquer and fulfill my iman and self esteem issues and develop a healthy quran relationship and oust the devil. I had more moments of bliss reading today. Though started of hesitsant. And yes still felt some botheration … [Read more...] about 180 degrees (Ramadan 27)
ramadan challenge
Shaitanic Paradoxes (Ramadan 26)
Im hanging in there, hoping for victory when I check out of hotel iitikaaf. The severity I have experienced is like none other. My life and religion was on the line. As I did morning zhikr outside, my eyes filled up with tears thinking about that moment when I go back home to my family, just stand and look at my beautiful wife, pause for a while, tears fill my eyes and … [Read more...] about Shaitanic Paradoxes (Ramadan 26)
Drunken Boxing (Ramadan Challenge 25)
??? ???? ?????? ?????? We are in the last week of Ramadan, and the Ramadan Challenge is more intense than ever. Morning zhikr was more neutral feelings. Quran reading was relatively normal until the afternoon. I fell into quite a few "ruts" of misunderstanding fundamental concepts in Islam. For instance: On the ayah, ??? ???????? ????????? ??????? ??? ??????????? … [Read more...] about Drunken Boxing (Ramadan Challenge 25)
The Final 10 Wrap Up (Ramadan Challenge 20)
??? ???? ?????? ?????? Overall, there has been such an amazing turn around since last post. Last post, I left you with utter feelings of defeat, feeling that I'm nearly done with my life, feeling like I have no dhunia nor akhirah. After several days of recovery, I miraculously feel so much better. Yes I'm still dealing with a lot of botheration and wiswaas and ridiculous … [Read more...] about The Final 10 Wrap Up (Ramadan Challenge 20)
“What’s that number for the suicide hotline #?” (Ramadan Challenge 16)
??? ???? ?????? ?????? I am recovering from the most severe time in Ramadan. I fell into a suicidal state yesterday. I still have been reading and feeling quite awful, and falling into terrible confusions about the way the Quran addressed me, keeping in mind Allah is Al-Rahman. I was feeling awful reading Quran, always feeling blamed and criticized and feeling like I am … [Read more...] about “What’s that number for the suicide hotline #?” (Ramadan Challenge 16)
